Do you assume all your friends are meeting potential dates online? In reality, most people are still meeting potential love interests face-to-face.
One survey found that 39 percent of people met their romantic partner through a mutual friend. Another 15 percent met someone at work, 12 percent met at a bar or “other public area.” Only 8 percent met online through a site like Tinder.
Meeting girls is one thing, but knowing how to talk to girls is another matter that confounds guys. If you don’t know what to say when talking to a girl you like, then you risk blowing any chance you had.
Keep reading for 8 hacks that will help you talk with girls.
Make (Some) Eye Contact
When you have a chance to introduce yourself, do so by meeting her eyes and smiling. Aim for eye contact that is sustained without being over-the-top. Two or three seconds is fine; thirty seconds is not.
You want to seem friendly, not like you’re trying to read her mind.
The right amount of eye contact lets her know that you’re interested in who she is as a person. Knowing when to look away lets her know that you understand boundaries.
Avoid Cheesy Lines
Do not say things like “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” Those pickup lines are best left to characters in bad sitcoms.
Instead, try this: “Hi, I’m Steve. What’s your name?” But insert your name instead of calling yourself Steve.
If you already know the girl, then make sure to call her by her name: “Hi, Jennifer. How’s your day going?” The key is to maintain a tone that’s light but still engaged.
Ask the Right Kind of Questions
If you dread small talk, you’re not alone. Small talk is usually regarded as an unsatisfying appetizer before the main course. It doesn’t have to be that way.
Think of small talk as a necessary step to finding common ground. Once you find that common ground, you can delve into other, more interesting topics.
You don’t have to ask about the weather. You can ask things open-ended questions like “How was work today?” If you don’t know what her job is, that will probably lead into a discussion of your respective occupations.
If a holiday is coming up, you can ask, “What are your plans for Thanksgiving?” That will give her an opening to discuss her family or social circle.
Steer Clear of Overtly Sexual Stuff
All too often, a woman will meet an interesting man and start a conversation. Then, as soon as she lets herself feel optimistic, he’ll say something like “I bet you look good naked” and ruin any momentum that existed.
There’s nothing wrong with liking sex or wanting to hook up, but you shouldn’t treat girls like sex objects.
Talking to girls means just that: talking. View it as a conversation instead of a potential conquest.
If you get along well, there will be plenty of time for sexual stuff later. You can act confident and self-assured without acting sleazy.
Compliment Who She Is
Compliments about a woman’s looks are a dime a dozen. You’re not special if you say, “You have great legs” or “That butt is fantastic.”
In fact, physical compliments can sound creepy if you don’t know her well. If you get to know her well, you can compliment her eyes or face later.
But you should be able to talk with girls without mentioning how hot you find them. Again, doing too much of that makes them feel like a piece of meat rather than a person with their own set of wants and needs.
Show you’re paying attention to more than their physical appearance. If she mentions a TV show you like, say, “You watch The Good Place too? I knew you had excellent taste!”
That’s a little flirty without being over-the-top.
Own the Awkward Moments
You’re a real person, not a suave character in a romantic comedy. You will sometimes make a joke that falls flat, and that’s OK.
Own the awkward moment. If she doesn’t laugh, say something a little self-deprecating to acknowledge the weirdness, then move on.
Don’t say, “Well, I’m the least funny person in the world. No wonder I was a virgin until I was 21.”
You can acknowledge your flaws without hating yourself. A statement like that one makes it seem like you hate yourself. It’s also way too much information.
Find a Way to Keep in Touch
You’ve been talking to a girl off-and-on all night, but now the party is almost over. Should you leave and hope you’ll run into her again soon?
Don’t leave it to fate. If you like a girl, ask for her phone number.
There’s no need for a long explanation. Something like “I enjoyed our talk. Can I get your number?” works fine in most cases.
If asking for her number feels like a bridge too far, get her email address instead. Reference an earlier topic of discussion and say, “If you want, I can forward you the cat video we were talking about while ago. What’s your email?”
Don’t make it more complicated than it has to be. If you want to talk to her again, make sure she knows that.
Practice How to Talk to Girls
If you ask for a girl’s number and she declines, move on. Don’t get mean or act desperate.
Learning how to talk to a girl doesn’t come naturally for everyone, and that’s OK. Vow to do better next time.
Practice in the mirror if that makes you feel better. If that doesn’t feel real enough, call a singles line like Fonochat and hone your skills.
Talking to Girls
It’s true that dating can feel like a numbers game, but that doesn’t mean you should treat women like a number.
If you remember nothing else about how to talk to girls, remember the cliche that “Interested people are interesting.” Women can tell if you’re truly engaged in the conversation or playing along.
Dropping a piece of trivia can be a great way to sustain the conversation. Check out our interesting facts archive to find additional topics.